


Open Your Eyes

by dmumts



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 08:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17894837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmumts/pseuds/dmumts
Summary: Your heart belonged to him, but his heart belonged to no one, or so you thought.





	Open Your Eyes

The hardest part wasn’t talking to him. No, the hardest part was thinking about him, watching your mind drift off to territories that you knew it had no place going to. Watching your imagination conjure up the image of him brushing his thumb against your cheek, smiling down at you before bending down to give you the kiss you had been craving for such a long time; the sweet, chaste kiss that turned to fiery passion not too long after.

You thought it would pass; that your feelings had just been a product of loneliness, and that you’d move on from him soon enough. But months, nearly a year had passed, and you could no longer ignore the way your heart had felt every time your mind even dared to bring up even a fragment of him, how nervous you got when you were about to see him again. And the longer you tried to ignore it, the more intense your feelings would become afterwards.

But, Yixing didn’t date. His reluctance stemmed from the fact that he was almost always busy, and didn’t have time to deal with the demands of a relationship. He considered it too much of a burden to carry along with his other weights that came with being an idol. Other than that, you were almost entirely sure that he saw you as nothing more than his friend. His friend that served as a shoulder to lean on every time he grew frustrated with not being able to have a relationship. His friend that listened to him talk about someone attractive he had seen and wished he could talk to.

He had only been back for two days, and you barely got to spend the first day with him since he needed to rest, which you encouraged. As for the second day, he had opted to just spend a bit of time at a café that was almost always empty, then deciding where else to go later on.

“You’re zoning out on me,” he laughed, brushing his hair out of his face. “I asked if you were going to miss me,” he asked again.

He didn’t know the half of it. Every time he left, you’d count down the days until you saw him again. And so did he, but not for the same reasons as you. You were his best friend; it was natural for him to miss your company. But he was more than your best friend in your eyes. He was your best friend, but you were in a strange place where you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about kissing him.

“Of course I’ll miss you,” you finally answered. “You ask me the same question all the time, and you always get the same answer.”

He smiled and nodded, stirring his drink a little before taking a sip. “You can’t blame me. Sometimes I feel like you get used to me being gone so you never miss me anymore,” he explained.

“Never,” you assured him. “You’re important to me, and you should know that by now.”

He was about to speak again, but he stopped to stare at a girl who had walked past him. You watched as his mouth hung open slightly, as if he had been struck with cupid’s bow upon seeing her. Without another word, he got up, walking over to tap her on her shoulder.

You tried hard not to look at them, but you couldn’t peel your eyes away, even when you felt your heart sink to the bottom of your stomach while listening to their conversation.

“Don’t you remember? We were a couple in high school,” he reminded her. “And you’re still so beautiful.”

The rest of their conversation was basically a painful amount of flirting that you couldn’t take your attention away from, like a gruesome car crash that made your stomach churn, yet clung to your attention like a vice. Complimenting each other, talking about how they should catch up when they had time, and you couldn’t stand it.

But you were his best friend. You were supposed to be supportive; you weren’t allowed to be jealous, and that’s how it would always be.

Before you knew it, the day was over, and he was already on his way to his next destination. Although you had longed for him to see you as something more, you settled for just playing the friend role, because you genuinely enjoyed his company, and you would never purposely ruin that, even if it meant you had to continue suppressing your feelings.

Besides, this time he’d be gone for nearly a month, which was the longest he’d been gone in a while. Although you both made time to talk to each other on the phone, there was only so much time. When he was busy, you were free, and when you were busy, he was free.

But weeks turned into weeks, weeks turned into days, and days turned to hours until finally, you were on the last minute, waiting for him send you a message saying that he was home. Except, this time you were surprised to get a phone call from him. You answered swiftly, out of fear that something was wrong and he needed your help.

“I’m finally home,” he announced, his voice slightly raspy and deeper as he spoke, the sleepiness still ever-present. “And I have good news, but I want you to guess first.”

You raised an eyebrow, but oblige regardless of how confused you were. “You finally finished reading that book you’ve had for months?” you guessed, although you knew you were wrong.

“No, of course not,” he denied. “I have nearly a whole week off, and I want to spend all of it with you.”

“Me?” you asked, just to make sure you were hearing things properly. You loved his company, and you loved the idea of spending almost a whole uninterrupted week with him, but spending so much time with him also came with the thoughts that plagued you constantly coming back in full force. “Why would you want to spend that much time with me?”

“I barely spend time with you when I’m around,” he explained. “I miss you, and whenever we talk on the phone, you seem sad.”

You tried to hide your sadness, but there was nothing you could hide from him, except of course your feelings for him. Everything in that aspect seemed to blow right past him, no matter how many times you had accidentally sent signals. “You’re just being paranoid; I’m fine,” you lied, although you were glad it was only a conversation over the phone, because your face wasn’t very convincing. “But, I’ll be happy to spend time with you.”

The next day, you had both decided to just spend the day at his apartment, since he was too tired to do much. When you got there, you were a mess of nerves as he wrapped you in his arms, swaying back and forth while he declared how much he had missed you.

“I missed you too, Xing,” you mumbled into his chest, feeling your heart rattle with every second you spent enveloped in his warmth. It was only then that you realized the full extent of how cruel spending time alone with him could be.

It was a double-edged sword being there with him. Being there meant that you could pretend that he was yours, that his heart had belonged to you just like yours had belonged to him. But being there also meant that he’d also slip into a speech telling you how much of a good friend you were, a cruel reminder that that was all you could ever be to him.

You sat down on the couch, and he sat down close enough for you to be overwhelmed by his beautiful scent, but far enough for you to not be touching each other. “What have you been up to lately?” he asked as he leaned back on the couch, his arms spreading along to top of it.

“I’ve been telling you what’s been going on every day,” you laughed, although even you could tell that a bit of your nervousness rang through.

“You have, but what’s  _really_  going on? You’ve just been telling me what you did, but what are your thoughts? How do you feel?” he asked, his dimpled smile on full display as he spoke to you.

You shake your head, your mind becoming a foggy mess while staring at him. “Are you my therapist?”

“No, but I’m curious. I just want to know what’s been going on in your mind,” he said, reaching up to ruffle your hair. “So, what’s up?”

You sighed, slouching back in the couch, feeling the back of your head touch his arm. You were about to sit back up, only to feel his hands fall around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. He’d always been touchy, but never to this extent. You were conflicted; you wanted this more than anything, but you also knew how cruel it was to let it happen. But before you could make your decision, he removed his arm and scooted a bit away from you.

You cleared your throat and sat up straight, eyes darting around the room. “I-I… Let’s talk about you,” you stuttered out, your heart pounding hard enough to make your body shiver. “What have you been thinking? How do you feel?”

He laughed and shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. “If you must know, I’ve been feeling a little bit confused lately over things I don’t know, but that’s about it. Now, what about you?” he said, diverting the conversation back to you. He knew you far too well, and he wouldn’t let you avoid the topic no matter how much you sidestepped; he’d just block you from leaving again and again until you finally relented.

“Fine,” you finally said. “I’ve been feeling confused as well, but I don’t exactly know how to express it fully,” you admitted, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. You hoped he couldn’t see through you, because you were far from ready to tell you him how you felt, and you didn’t think you’d ever be ready. Being in love with your best friend was truly the cruelest thing your mind could have done to you.

No, being in love with your best friend who refused to date was more than cruel. Watching him sit next to you with his dimpled smile teasing you, taking your statement as merely a joke when you felt as if your heart had been pierced when your brain reminded you that his smile bore no affection; that his smile wasn’t a smile of admiring you, like yours always were for him.

“Well, when you figure it out, will you tell me?” he asked, his voice getting quiet, and his bright smile turning to a soft one as he brushed some stray hairs out of your face.

You slightly flinched, your heart hammering in your chest from the slight but significant action. You attempted to adjust, swallowing the boulder that had taken residence in your throat, wincing when it failed to go down at your first attempt. “I-I will,” you stuttered out, nervously chewing on your bottom lip.

His smile slowly faded into a look you couldn’t quite describe. It felt like he was studying, watching your every feature to pick up on something that somehow flew over his head, and also like he was trying to convince himself that everything was fine, and that he had nothing to worry about.

You took a deep breath, willing yourself to ask a question that had been on your mind ever since the time at the café. It wasn’t something that you needed to know, but it was something that had been chewing at your nerves for a while, and there was no better time to do it when you were alone and you wanted him to get off your case. “Is your no dating rule still a thing?” you quietly asked.

“What?” his question seemed more like you caught him off guard rather than him not hearing you. He looked up, taking a deep breath before finally answering. “Well, um… It’s still a rule, but it’s… there’s someone I really wish I could date.” There was a gleam in his eyes as he spoke, along with a small smile when he locked eyes with you. “Maybe a little too much.”

“What do you mean? Who is it?” your heart thunderously pounded against your chest, rattling your entire body as he stared at you. You had no idea if it was your mind playing cruel tricks on you, but you swore you felt him getting closer and closer you, close enough that you felt the heat radiating off his body.

“I-It’s—“

And just like that, the moment was over. You snapped back to reality, your attention turning to the front door after hearing three knocks ring throughout the apartment.

He excitedly jogged over to the door, opening it up to reveal the same girl who had appeared at the café, and your heart sank immediately. He ushered her in, the smile on his face growing seemingly wider with every word she spoke, and her smile beamed as well, almost as brightly as his. And your fantasy had been completely torn apart.

“I didn’t introduce you, did I?”

You shook your head, a pained smile on your face as you looked between them. Her body subtly leaned into his as he stood there, eyeing you up and down, not exactly in a judgmental way in terms of looks, but more like trying to figure out your character.

You remembered her name clearly as he introduced you to each other, but not much else;  _Luwen_. Mostly because it was a name you knew you’d be hearing a lot more often.

Whenever he had spoken about his dating woes in the past, there was never a name attached to it. Merely vague descriptions of his ideal partner or someone he saw briefly. And the more they spoke, the more you were convinced that the person Yixing was talking about wanting to date was her. Even though he was sitting between both of you, his body seemed to lean into hers, just like hers leaned into his.

“I wanted to wait until Luwen came to watch a movie,” he said, finally acknowledging you. “Why don’t we let our guest choose this time?”

She quickly looked at you, raising an eyebrow at his sentence. “Oh, I didn’t know that you lived together,” she said, a look of confusion spread across her face.

“We don’t,” Yixing laughed, shaking his head. “Whenever I’m here for a while, when we’re not out doing something, she’s usually here from morning to nearly midnight,” he said proudly, patting your shoulder lightly.

It seemed as though he was desperately trying to let her know that you were  _just_  his friend, even though you really were. But watching them together, hearing them talk about things that you clearly weren’t meant to have any input in; that was what really tore you apart.

You had no idea what movie she chose to watch because you weren’t paying attention to it; in fact, you weren’t even paying attention to them. You sat there silently, your mind running over how you had originally hoped the day would go; you and him having fun together, so much fun that he’d feel inclined to hug you more often, and you’d leave with a slightly fuzzy feeling until you remembered that you were still just his best friend.

Instead, you were sitting there, the voices all around you turning into a garbled mess, but you just knew in your heart that every word they spoke was laced with romantic intent, and it would just hurt you more, make you feel like a million needles prickled your heart one after the other if you listened.

But you had no right to feel this way. You had no right to feel like crying and screaming every time you caught a glimpse of her hand landing on his thigh. You had no right to feel a lump in your throat when you accidentally paid attention to their laughs that melted together like a beautiful song. You had no right to stop him from finding the happiness that he had longed for, because you were his best friend who was always supposed to encourage his happiness.

When the movie ended, you didn’t know. You were so detached from reality that you hadn’t even noticed that the movie had ended about thirty minutes ago, and they were still talking to each other, not acknowledging you once.

“I have to meet my friends soon, so I’ll be on my way now,” Luwen said, rising from her seat.

Yixing looked at her with a huge smile on his face, one that you’d never be able to get out of him, and followed her towards the door. Your eyes followed them closely, looking as they hugged, her hands slung around his neck while his stayed at the center of her back. Then, she placed a kiss on his cheek, one that seemingly caught him off guard.

Then she waved at you just before leaving, shutting the door behind her.

You had no idea how you’d be able to pull yourself together this time. You watched him touch his cheek, the smile still on his face as he walked over to you.

It took him nearly a minute to finally begin talking to you again, like you suddenly mattered when she wasn’t around. Not only were you hurt from being in love with him, but you were also hurt from potentially losing your status as his best friend. Maybe it seemed like an overreaction, but you felt it; you felt everything. You felt your ears stinging, your eyes welling up, your chest sinking, and your heart thunderously beating.

“What’s wrong?” he finally asked, his voice hitting you hard as a look of concern crossed his face.

There was no hiding it. There was no way you could keep your secret that you had fought so hard to keep, but it was worth trying. You sighed, shaking your head as you sat up straight, at least trying to do something to seem convincing.

“Tell me,” he begged, placing his hand on the top of yours, sending electricity through your body. “You know you can tell me anything.” At that point, he seemed desperate for you to say it, like he’d feel guilty if he didn’t at least attempt to cheer you up.

“Wha-What if what I say could potentially ruin our friendship?” you stuttered, your voice low as you spoke. “What if you never want anything to do with me again?” That part was mostly a question for yourself rather than him. You had no idea how you’d manage losing him over your inability to just be happy for him. You’d hate yourself forever for doing this to him, and yourself.

“It can’t be that bad,” he assured you. “Honestly, there’s nothing you could say that would make me hate you. You’re my best friend.”

Little did he know that that was the problem; you being just his best friend. You took a deep breath, avoiding his eyes as you spoke. “The person you said you wanted to date… it’s her, isn’t it?”

“What?” he asked, taken aback by your question. “No, of course not. She’s just an old friend I wanted to catch up with,” he explained, a smile of relief on his face, the problem seeimingly a small one as he tried to look you in the eyes, although you wouldn’t let him. “Wait, why would that make me want nothing to do with you?” You didn’t respond, simply because you couldn’t will the words out of your mouth, as if it would poison you if you dared to say it. Then, he raised his eyebrow, the realization suddenly hitting him. “Are you jealous?”

You said nothing. Instead, you just put your head down, feeling ashamed and disappointed with yourself.

“She might have been my friend in the past, but you’re my friend now. A really good friend, and I wouldn’t trade you for anything or anyone,” he consoled you. “You don’t need to be jealous.”

It was all you were, and it irritated and saddened you. And at the same time, you just wanted to accept his words and throw yourself into your arms, living the fantasy you had built up before seeing fall apart once again. But you couldn’t; you couldn’t and you didn’t know why you suddenly couldn’t just pretend you only liked him as a friend as well.

You sighed, rising from the couch and walking into the kitchen, Yixing following you every step of the way. You looked at him, your tears on the brink of falling while his eyes played worry. “You don’t get it. Th-That’s not…” you trail off when you realize how close he was to you, how your bodies were practically pressed against each other. You stare at his pleading eyes, then his plush lips, and you couldn’t help yourself.

His lips had felt softer than you’d ever imagined, and although his lips remained still, you felt a fire ignite inside you that you had never felt before. And it took you a while to realize that he hadn’t pushed you away.

Instead, he pulled you in by your waist, his other hand tangled in your hair as he puckered softly, before finally moving his lips, taking a breath that seemed to breathe life into you. You felt his hand trembling, and yours were too; a sign of nervousness that you had expected from yourself, but not from him. In fact, you had never even expected for him to kiss you back at all, to fill you with so much passion that you genuinely felt like your heart couldn’t take it.

He then opened his mouth to invite you in, although you quickly pulled away, fearing that things were going too far before you could fully wrap your head around the fact that you were kissing your best friend, and that he was kissing you back.

He pressed his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes longingly. “The person I wanted to date was you,” he mumbled, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear, then caressing your face. “And this is all I’ve ever wanted.”

You smiled at him, your stomach warm and fuzzy as you stared back into his beautiful eyes. All this time, you had been pining for him, and to think everything would be much easier had you both just spoke up.

But your smile turned into frown when you remembered his no dating rule. “You’re too busy to date,” you sighed, stepping away from him. Just when you thought you saw the light at the end of the tunnel, the illusion faded just as quickly as you saw it.

But he grabbed your arm, pulling back into him, kissing the top of your head, which was enough to assure you of his new stance on dating. “I’ve always made time for you;  _always_ ,” he reminded you. “Besides, we have the rest of this week together, so let’s make the best of it.”

And you did. For the rest of the week, he had been giving you the sweet kisses that you had longed for, whispering the words that you had been begging to hear, holding you close to him like he never wanted you to go. You were giving him the same, and for the first time in a very long time, you had finally felt safe, and you finally felt like reality was much happier than your fantasy.

You loved Zhang Yixing, and he loved you, and it was abundantly clear that you’d both try your very best to make things work as best friends, and very comfortable lovers.


End file.
